Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I blow up a lawyer and make you ALL happy

Haven't you ever wanted to do that? Blow up a lawyer? And a British one--a barrister? Well, I have done it to more than one, but this one is special. I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Ashcroft Burnham at one of Codebastard's parties (even though she wasn't there). We exchanged pleasantries and then went for each other's throats.

Turns out Mr. Burnham is the Chair of the Constitutional Team of the Metaverse Republic, and he convinced me to attend a meeting. After a lot of notecard shuffling (at one point I could not see my screen for all the notecards I was passed), I decided that it was an interesting undertaking--the idea of providing a means of arbitration over virtual issues through a third party--and I let them group me.

Mr. Burnham, however, saw fit to insult my nation, the one that freed itself from the tyranny of HIS nation.

[14:13] Ashcroft Burnham: Of course, you Americans don't have Christmas puddings, do you? ;-)
[14:14] You: no
[14:14] You: you people are weird
[14:14] Ashcroft Burnham: *We're* weird?! And this coming from a nation that spells "colour" without a "u" and calls trousers "pants"!
[14:15] You: A nation that drives on the correct side of the road and calls the back end of a car a "trunk," not a "boot," which is something one wears on one's feet...
[14:16] Ashcroft Burnham: A nation that calls lifts "elevators" and doesn't even have a queen can't be a proper nation at all :-p
[14:17] You: A queen
[14:17] Ashcroft Burnham: A king would do.
[14:17] You: We have plenty of queens. They live in Boys Town, where they belong.
[14:17] Ashcroft Burnham: LOL!
[14:17] Ashcroft Burnham: Anyway, we have public buildings older than your entire country, so there :-p
[14:17] You: and fruitcakes too
[14:17] Ashcroft Burnham: Yes!
[14:18] Ashcroft Burnham: Can't be a proper nation without fruitcakes.

Mr. Burnham is not exempt from the laws of Harper's world. Nay. He is more beholden to them. And so in all due process, I offered him a humbug:

Ah, what sweet victory!


Forelle Broek said...

Tee-hee. Poor Ashcroft!

Dale Innis said...

Yer a poil o' great price, Harpers!

gospeedracer said...


Gahum Riptide said...

Doesn't he realize that we do have things called ovens, so we can make fruitcakes ;)?

I'm happy you mentioned the plentiful queens our nation has. This queen is particularly happy you did.

Harper Beresford said...

And OUR queens dress better :P

aeleen tomsen said...

Arghhh !!

I didn't see that one !!